By Patrick F. Cannon

According to the New York Times – who else? – the formal dinner party of yore is fast becoming obsolete. It seems young people prefer a more casual approach to entertaining. Perhaps a pot of chili on the stove; pizza delivered from that new Neapolitan spot that’s all the rage; or a vegan repast courtesy of Grub Hub. One is told that the food might even be served on recycled (of course) paper plates!

            In my day – admittedly quite a few years ago – hosting a dinner party was still the thing. One of the rituals for engaged couples was the trip to Marshall Field’s (or similar store in other cities) to register for your fine China, glassware, and silver flatware. All these necessities – so we thought – were sold by the place setting. Nowadays, high quality China, for example, can cost upwards of $250 per place setting (dinner, salad, and bread plates; and cup and saucer).  If you were to buy it new, a place setting of sterling silver flatware would cost a minimum of $500.   

            As I recall, in 1965 my fiancé Mary and I opted for a nice but reasonably priced China pattern and decent quality stainless steel for the flatware. We got some as gifts and eventually made up the rest of a service for eight. I’m not sure that was the only reason, but we rarely had more than eight guests for dinner. If you look at the photo above, you’ll notice all the chairs don’t match. Most dining room sets came with six chairs, so if you had more than six for dinner, you dragged a couple out the kitchen or even used folding chairs to make up the deficit.

            Now, if a young couple wanted to equip themselves with new fine China and sterling flatware, it might set them back around $6,000. Fortunately for many, however, they are often offered what they need from parents or grandparents. Just as often, they turn these offers down. They may see the China as too formal, and who wants to polish silver?  And they can get more “modern” China and stainless flatware at Crate & Barrell to serve eight for about $750. As it happens, my late wife Jeanette ended up with two extra sets of silver flatware when her mother died, and it took years to find any younger member of the family willing to take it.

            Jeanette loved to entertain and we hosted dinners for families and friends, and she hosted regular luncheons for her teacher and book group friends. She fussed over the table, having been taught that how it looked was an important part of the dining experience.  I live alone now, so the only formal dinners I host are on Thanksgiving and Christmas Day.

            For both, I haul out the formal China and polish the silver. I often buy a floral center piece and use cloth napkins to match the table cloth. Before dinner, I serve cocktails and hors d’ oeuvres. In the interests of full disclosure, I do only the turkey; my son-in-law Boyd takes care of the rest. By the way, Boyd and my daughter Beth host and do their dinners properly.

            One thing neither of us insist upon is proper dress. By that I mean jacket and tie for the men and dresses for the ladies. I know you won’t believe it, but there was a time when you wouldn’t dare show up at a dinner party any other way. Or, for that matter, at a high-quality restaurant. At the last wedding reception I attended, most people were properly dressed,  But a significant few looked like the just came off the golf course. Since the reception was at a country club, maybe they had.

Copyright 2026, Patrick F. Cannon