My Trip to Washington

By Patrick F. Cannon

Some of my friends and I decided to take a trip to our nation’s capital. I had never been, and thought it would be a good chance to see the sights. At the same time, we would be able to hear our beloved president, who would be giving another of his eloquent speeches. As everyone knows, the election was stolen from him by turncoat Republican traitors, who must have been paid off by those rich Hollywood commies.

            Anyway, we boarded our bus in Columbus, and after a long day on the road, we arrived at the Motel Six in Bethesda. After a hearty meal at a Chick-fil-A, we had a few brewskis at a local biker bar, and turned in so we would be ready for a full day on January 6.

            Bright and early the next day, we boarded our bus for the trip into DC. We had a little time before hearing the president who made America great again, so the bus driver took us around the city a bit. Everything looked pretty much the same – white with columns like the capital in Columbus – but the driver said one building was the Lincoln Memorial, but I forgot to take a picture. Darn phone never works when you want it too.

            We had to park the bus a ways from where the rally would take place, an area they called the Ellipse. Not sure what that means, but we made sure we were early enough to hear our great leader. I won’t tell you what our noble president had to say – you’ve probably memorized it by now anyway. At the end, he suggested we might want to visit our representatives to express our opinions as patriotic Americans about the recent election, which, as everyone knows, was stolen by the oligarchs who run the country of behalf of old guys like Joe Biden.

            I had made a nice sign that said “Trump Won!”, which I had attached to a sturdy steel pole. I didn’t know it, but it later came in handy. I wasn’t right up front, but apparently some of my fellow patriots had to remove some barriers from in front of the Capital, which must have been put there by mistake. When I finally got to the Capital building, I was shocked to find the doors locked! It must have been a mistake, so I decided to use my steel pole to break a window, kinda like when you lock your keys in the pickup. I guess some other folks had the same idea, as it was pretty crowded inside. For some reason, there were some cops trying to stop us, but I guess they didn’t know we were entitled as citizens to visit our property.

            Some of us decided to stop by to visit our hero, Congressman Jim Jordan, but were surprised to find that all the congressmen had left the building (some folks said they “escaped”). One fellow patriot suggested we go to Nancy Pelosi’s office and arrest her for treason. But she was gone too. Since we were there, we decided to take some souvenirs, as mementos of our visit. I snagged me a nice desk set; it looks great on a shelf next to my Moose antlers. Funnily, there was a guy in her office dressed like a Viking, horns and all. Must have been a Swede from Minnesota!

            Eventually, we left, escorted by some soldiers. We got back to Ohio later in the day, and I had a lot of stories to tell my buddies! You can just imagine my surprise when I got arrested by the FBI.  It turned out I had posed for a few pictures, including when I broke the window. I’m sure the jury will take my side. If not, I wonder if former presidents can issue pardons?

Copyright 2021, Patrick F. Cannon