Duck, Nancy, Duck!

By Patrick F. Cannon

I can’t for the life of me understand why Nancy Pelosi wanted to go to Taiwan. I’ve been there twice myself. The first time was in 1981. My memories include sitting in the rain and watching some kind of national day parade in Taipei, which included their military riding along in vehicles and tanks obviously donated by the USA; and eating a meal the last day that kept me in the bathroom for several weeks thereafter.

            The next time, in 1987, was for a convention of my employer, Lions Clubs International. The parade that time was our own, and I escaped without getting sick. I must say that considerable progress had been made in the years since my first visit – new buildings, better hotels, cleaner streets – but traffic was just as chaotic. Although her injuries were minor, one of my employees was hit by an anarchist-driven cab.

            Nowadays, Taipei has some of the world’s tallest buildings, and fancy hotels like the Four Seasons, Ritz and Peninsula (I had stayed in the exotically-named Lai Lai Shangri-La). They may even have installed traffic lights. All in all, Speaker Nancy found an overall snazzier place than I did.

            Why did she go?  Well, to tell the Chinese government that they couldn’t tell her where to go and what to do, by gum! To the Chinese, Taiwan is part of China, even though the Taiwanese might  think that they are a separate self-governing democracy. Anything that might support that delusion is anathema to the Ruling Communist Party (RCP). Our government doesn’t actually recognize Taiwan as an independent country, but has made it clear to the RCP and its President for Life Xi Jinping that they should keep their Commie hands off.

            To show their displeasure, the Chinese withdrew from our ongoing military and climate talks. No problem there, since they never tell the truth in any negotiations anyway. But they also imposed sanctions on Speaker Pelosi and her family. On the face of it, this probably seemed laughable to Nancy. After all, she already has the latest I-Phone. But she hadn’t realized until the other day how far into American society the tentacles of the RCP had reached. Everyone knows, of course, that they have placed moles in the hearts of industry and academia. But the other day, she found out to her horror that their evil machinations had reached into the very heart and soul of her beloved San Francisco!

            Although born and raised in Baltimore, she has lived in San Francisco for most of her life, and represents it in Congress. When she returns, she never fails to dine at the world famous Yank Sing restaurant in the city’s storied Chinatown. And, inevitably, she will order her favorite – Peking Duck. Imagine her shock and dismay when the waiter told her “No duck today.”

            “How could that be,” she said in stunned disbelief, “you’re famous for your Peking Duck!”

            “Cook say he try to buy duck, but told every duck in California bought up and shipped to Miami; some go to Cuba too. Say may not have duck for long time. But we have goose. Cook said he could cook your goose instead.”

            Thus did the Speaker of the House of Representatives of the United States of America learn how far the Chinese government was willing to go to wreak havoc upon her for daring to put her spiked heels on the soil of their Taiwan!

Copyright 2022, Patrick F. Cannon