By Patrick F. Cannon

By all accounts, Donald Trump is a fairly decent golfer. Rory McElroy, after playing a round with him several years ago, thought he probably played to a handicap of 10 or 12. In general, that would equate to an average 18 hole score in the mid 80s. Not bad, although he’s older now. Of course he might keep his score low if he simply moved to a forward tee, which is certainly allowable, and even encouraged for someone his age. For you non-golfers, most courses have at least two tee boxes (or places where you hit your first shot); some, four or even more.

Nevertheless, Trump is a notorious cheater, the reports of his transgressions so numerous that they could fill a book, and actually did – sportswriter Rick Reilly’s Commander in Cheat: How Golf Explains Donald Trump. Not that he thinks he’s cheating; he’s so bereft of conscience that taking advantage of others is just normal for him. Based on long experience with him, I’m sure his lawyers are now getting their money up front.

Here are just a couple of examples of his golf ethics. Playing in a foursome with Trump, Tiger Woods and Dustin Johnson, Brad Faxton reported that Trump’s score somehow didn’t count two balls he hit into the water. Sports announcer Mike Tirico, who routinely covers golf, said that Trump once threw Tirico’s ball off the green into a nearby sand trap. Trump actually owns numerous golf courses, where his caddies say he routinely improves his lies (not his utterances, but the location of the golf ball). He has also been seen to kick his errant shots out of the rough into the fairway.

For most golfers, honesty by their fellow players is assumed. This does not mean that a group that plays together regularly might not agree on some deviations from the strict rules. For example, they might decide that a player may have one “mulligan” per round. That simply means a do-over. Say I hit a ball in the water. With this agreement, I can hit another ball without penalty. Most golfers would save their mulligan for just such a reason, since you only get one.

Improving your lie is a no-no, unless a storm has left the course like a muddy bog. Then the rules of golf permit you to pick up the ball, clean it, and replace it in a dryer place, no closer to the green. You can also concede a putt for one of your fellow golfers, but not for yourself. If you watched the recent Ryder Cup on television, you will have noticed that this is occasionally done in match play, generally for a putt of less than two or three feet.

For Trump, the rules of golf – just like the rules for anything else – are meant for suckers, not for him. And had he limited his cheating to the golf course, he’d be just another jerk nobody wanted to play with. But no. Cheating is a way of life for him – in marriage, business, and in government. How else can you explain those 91 counts, which his loony followers claim are just politically motivated? Perhaps they haven’t noticed that some of the suckers who played the game of life with him are copping pleas, hoping the government will grant them a mulligan for actually telling the truth about their former boss – truths Trump’s supporters seem unwilling to believe. Or maybe it takes one to know one.

Copyright 2023, Patrick F. Cannon