By Patrick F. Cannon

It’s not enough to “throw your hat in the ring” and run for president of the United States – as I did last week – you must back it up with a program and vision for the country. Now that the drama of the Kentucky Derby is over (I picked the loser as usual), I have been able to devote several hours to specific initiatives that will stir my fellow Americans to trust me with their vote.

            While I won’t bore you today with my total vision – I’ll do that in future weeks – I thought it would be a good idea to look to the past for inspiration. Franklin Delano Roosevelt (FDR of legend) promised a “New Deal” in his 1933 inaugural address. Not to be outdone, Harry Truman promised a “Fair Deal” in 1948. Jimmy Carter had the “Bad Deal’; and LBJ the “Back Room Deal.” More recently, Donald Trump has given us the “Me Deal”; and Joe Biden the “Old Deal.”

            Amazingly, none of them has done the obvious and given you the “Big Deal!” Except me, of course. My inspiration is the great Chicago architect and chow hound Daniel Burnham, who famously said: “Make no little plans. They have no magic to stir men’s blood. Make big plans: aim high in hope and work.”  This was the man who gave us the 1893 Columbian Exposition in Chicago; and the great Union Stations in Chicago and Washington, D.C. He stirred my blood, I can tell you! In his honor, I’m naming my first great idea “The Burnham Plan.”

            Like me, I’m sure you’ve noticed that electric car charging stations are popping up in parking lots and garages around the area. I first noticed this trend in Chicago’s Grant Park underground lot. Just the other day, I spied two stations in the parking garage at the Oak Park Public Library. Since the lot was otherwise full, I was tempted to take one of them for my gas guzzler, but I was afraid of being shocked with a parking ticket (ha ha). Anyway, these thousands of stations around the country got me thinking. Why can’t we electrify our roads? That way, simply driving along would recharge those batteries!

            You’re probably thinking “Cannon’s gone nutsy again!” How could such a thing be done? It came to me during a commercial for an otherwise ugly couch whose arms can charge your phone while you’re watching “Prancing With the Stars.” And I’m sure you’ve seen those gizmos that charge your phone, tablets, and other devices by simply placing them on the surface (I must get me one of those – I still have to plug my stuff in).

            But what about the cost? It would be minimal. As we are all too painfully aware, every year a high percentage of our vaunted Interstate Highway system is under reconstruction. In 10 years, I bet the shole shebang gets repaved or rebuilt. What a perfect time to imbed charging cables in the roadbed! We could even power up the system by lining the roads with solar panels and/or wind turbines (which could be decorated for the Holidays)! Even folks with regular gas-powered vehicles would benefit, since their phones, tablets, key fobs – even their 12-volt batteries – would get charged too!

            After we finish the Interstate, we could start on the state and local roads and streets. Heck, people could even power up their driveways! Before you ask how we’re going to pay for this electrifying idea, we would continue to collect the gas tax, and add a new tax on electricity. And let me lay to rest right at the start the fear that we might be subject to electrocution while driving along. I say it’s worth trying. After all, we’d never get anything done in this country if we worried about unintended consequences!

Copyright 2024, Patrick F. Cannon