By Patrick F. Cannon

Let me tell you — life is no walk in the park; nor bowl of cherries; or all sunshine and rainbows; and definitely no picnic. When you get up in the morning, you better beware! Dark forces are lurking in the shadows, ready to leap out and smite you on the kisser!

            Just the other morning, for example, I did the laundry. Now in my building, the laundry room is just off the lobby. As I’m on the third floor, I have to take the elevator down (I could take the stairs, but what’s the elevator for?). When I got back to my apartment with the laundry basket, one of my socks was missing! Why does this happen? Obviously, either the washer or dryer didn’t think it got enough money, so it charged me a sock. Why socks? Why not underpants, or washcloths? We are not to know, for evil forces are at work.

            No big deal, you say. Have you ever had to go shopping for a new pair of socks while wearing only one? A bare foot in an old shoe is clammy and uncomfortable, I can assure you. Maybe I should buy an extra pair, but money doesn’t grow on trees you know!

            I have another outrage to impart! I have been a loyal customer of the Jewel food stores for 60 years – yes, 60 years! – and my local store is conspiring to make it impossible to find a place to park. Often, when you think you’ve found an empty spot, it’s another of those endless grocery-cart return spots! This time of year, they eliminate even more parking spaces to find space for a vast edifice dedicated to selling plants and flowers, thus taking business away from local lawn and garden centers.

            As if that wasn’t enough, now they have put eight spaces aside for people who are waiting for clerks to come with stuff they’ve ordered online. The last time I was at the store, all eight spaces were empty — mocking the poor schmoes like me who bravely venture forth in all weathers to pick out their own groceries  

            In case you didn’t know it, Jewel is now owned by Albertsons, a grocery company founded and still headquartered in Boise, Idaho. I’ve never been there, but my impression of that state is the odd mountain among endless dry and dusty plains. The state plant is the tumbleweed. Vast spaces for parking lots and cows are readily available. The executives have likely never been to the Chicago area, where you can’t just push the cows aside to add parking spaces!  

            Which brings me to my final complaint. Once again, the powers that be in remote Boise have decided my Jewel needs to be completely reorganized, just at the point I knew where everything was. One day I arrived to find armies of people taking stuff off shelves and moving products to places some expert in Boise had decided made more sense. While all this was going on – and it took what seemed like years – the old signs remained in place. So, where you expected to find toilet paper, instead you came upon cat food! And I don’t own a cat!

            Well, I can’t let all this defeat me. I guess I’ll just have to pull up my sock and get on with life!

Copyright 2025, Patrick F. Cannon