By Patrick F. Cannon

The folks who manage my condominium building advised a few days ago that one of the residents who has an outside parking space had the car’s catalytic converter stolen. As you probably know, thieves target the converters because they contain precious metals – platinum, palladium, rhodium, etc. – that can be sold for cash.

            Since 1975, the converters have been mandated in America for most gasoline-powered vehicles to remove carbon monoxide, hydrocarbons, and nitrogen oxides from the exhaust. Most states require regular emissions testing to ensure compliance. In Illinois, the motorist isn’t charged for the test directly, but it becomes just one more item in an already bloated budget. But now that the Clean Air Act is kaput, I have a great idea that could significantly add to the government’s coffers.

            Not requiring them in the first place would reduce the cost of a vehicle by an average of about $1,500. Manufacturers would be delighted, but so would the consumer. But that’s not even the happiest effect. Imagine what could happen if the government mandated that all catalytic converters had to be removed from existing vehicles! But not just removed but recycled to reclaim those precious metals and the cash windfall they would produce.

            How this would be done, I would leave to our always efficient Congress to pass the necessary legislation. But if I may be so bold, here are my suggestions.

            First, it should be mandatory to have the converter removed. Failure would result in a stiff fine and mandatory jail sentence. As a sweetener, however, you should receive $50 when you do. But who would do the deed? Why not the nearest dealer of the company who manufactured the vehicle in the first place? You make an appointment, they put your vehicle on the lift, remove the offending converter, and replace it with an appropriate length of exhaust pipe. What could be simpler?

            In addition to the precious metals, the regular metals and other stuff would be recycled, with the proceeds split between the car companies and the Federal government. Since there are about 285 million registered vehicles in the United States, just think of the income and jobs that would be created! Speaking of jobs, all those lads who used to steal the converters in the dead of night could use their undoubted skills instead boosting the converters legally for those car dealers!

            Add those jobs to the new jobs in our reopened coal mines and booming oil refineries, and I see a new Golden Age on the horizon. Of course, air quality may suffer a bit, but maybe we could just all get used to wearing masks. I see another new industry emerging! As I often say: “It’s an ill wind that blows no good.”

            Anyway, thank you so much for your attention to my modest proposal.

Copyright 2026, Patrick F. Cannon